When I think pop culture, one of the first things that comes to mind is The Simpsons. Not many shows have become the cultural icon The Simpsons has become nor lasted as long. I joke that the day I can’t quote The Simpsons is the day I’m dead and well it’s not really a joke. The Simpsons has provided pop culture with so many great quotes that it’s hard to pick the best. Whether it’s Homer saying “Save me Jebus” or “You don’t win friends with salad” or classic Ralph Wiggum lines like “Go banana” or “I ated the purple berries” choosing the best of the best is much more complicated than I expected. I decided on doing just one quote per character so here are my picks for the best Simpsons quotes up until this point.
Ralph Wiggum – Hi Lisa. Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers.
Milhouse – Everything’s coming up Milhouse.
Lionel Hutz – This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
Abe Simpson – I used to be with it, but then they changed what “it” was, and now what I’m with isn’t it. And what’s “it” seems weird and scary to me.
Disco Stu – Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.
Sideshow Bob – No, that’s German for “The Bart, The”.
Mayor Quimby – You can’t seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.
Ned Flanders – Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all. (I’m going with this one because I love Homer’s reaction “Stupid Sexy Flanders.”)
Dr. Nick – Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?
Kent Brockman – Ladies and gentlemen, what you are seeing is a total disregard for the things St. Patrick’s Day stands for. All this drinking, violence, destruction of property. Are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish?
Crazy Old Man – I want some taquitos.
Moe – I’ve been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.
Hans Moleman – I was saying Boo-urns.
Homer Simpson – To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Comic Book Guy – Excuse me, but the Simpsons already had a horse and the resulting expenses caused Homer to take a second job at the Kwik-E-mart with hilarious consequences.
Bart Simpson – There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa.
Dr. Hibbert – Well, only one in two million people has what we call the “evil gene”. Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and… Freddy Quimby has it.
Apu – Mr. Simpson, a Twizzler is not a sprinkle. A Mounds is not a sprinkle. A Jolly Rancher is NOT a sprinkle!
Hank Scorpio – Homer, on your way out if you want to kill somebody it would help me a lot.
Martin Prince – Ah, my plan has come to fruition! Soon I’ll be queen of summertime… uh, I mean king, king!
Krusty – Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down.
Lisa Simpson – Dad, women won’t like being shot in the face.
Willie – When you’re alone, and life is getting you lonely, ye can always go, ACK! Doontoon.
Surly – Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy … Surly!
Marge Simpson – Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.
Chalmers – Aurora borealis? At this time of year? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Mrs. Krabappel – Oh, don’t worry children. Most of you will *never* fall in love, but will marry out of fear of dying alone!
Maggie Simpson – Daddy
Barney – Of course I’ll be back, if you didn’t close I’d never leave!
Chief Wiggum – Hey, we know how to play softball!
Mr. Burns – I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
Troy McClure – You may remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid.”
Smithers – Umm…if you did it, sir?
Lenny – Assault weapons have gotten a lot of bad press lately, but they’re manufactured for a reason: to take out today’s modern super animals, such as the flying squirrel, and the electric eel.
Carl – Oh, but Moe, the dank. The dank!
Reverend Lovejoy – This so called “new religion” is nothing more than a bunch of weird rituals designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let’s say the Lord’s Prayer 40 times, but first let’s pass the collection plate.
Federal Agent – Man alive, there are men alive in here.
Helen Lovejoy – Won’t somebody please think of the children?
Otto Man – My name is Otto, and I love to get blotto!
Nelson – Ha, Ha! I touched your heart!
Cletus – Hey, Ma! Git a picture wit’ me and this crazy critter!
Rainer Wolfcastle – Up and at them.
So what are your favorite Simpsons quotes? Hit me up Twitter at @murraymaker