Out now is a slew of generic, stereotypical horror movies for your viewing “pleasure.”
Up first we have Blood Glacier. At a climate observation station high in the German Alps, a group of technicians preparing for a visit from the Environment Minister discover a mysterious red liquid pouring from a nearby glacier. A result of the ice’s melting due to climate change, the now-spreading ‘glacier blood’ soon comes into contact with local wildlife, causing changes in the fauna that are at first curious but soon become horrifying. Yeah it’s exactly what you are thinking, a rip off of The Thing. Carpenter’s film is a classic. This is just a lackluster rip off. Yet somehow it might be the best of the four films in this review.
Up next we have Cell 213. After a gruesome twist of circumstance, criminal defense attorney Michael Gray (Eric Balfour) find himself incarcerated in South River State Penitentiary, framed for the murder of one of his clients. Locked inside Cell 213, he falls prey to unnatural forces that are vying for his soul, while the question of his guilt and innocence hangs in the balance. Only watch this if you are a diehard Michael Rooker fan and have to see all his films. I don’t get the draw to Balfour and this movie did nothing for me. A haunted jail cell has potential, but the special effects and Balfour made me laugh more than anything else. Rooker and Bruce Greenwood are pretty solid though. I didn’t find it scary at all, it’s probably more a thriller than horror, but I didn’t find it thrilling either.
Continuing, we have Dead Within. Six months after a deadly outbreak that has all but ended the human race, a man and woman have survived by isolating themselves in a remote cabin and never opening the door. Now, they don’t have a choice. Starved for resources, they must confront the horrors that threaten them… but what’s inside may be even more toxic than what remains outside. Starring Amy Cale Peterson (Southbounders) and Dean Chekvala (True Blood, People Like Us). Another not scary horror film. Two people in one cabin equals snooze fest. It starts out with more and in flashbacks tells you what happens to the others, but at no point did I care about any of them. The two leads did nothing for me and barely held my attention. I didn’t care if they got out alive or what was outside. They lit candles for date night which seems like a dumb thing to do considering you could lose power at any point in time and you’d have no light if the candles are gone. Plus the ending felt like a cop out.
Finally we have Revelation Trail. In late nineteenth century America, a frontier holy mans life is destroyed as a gruesome power consumes the land. Standing between ruin and salvation, the man, known only as The Preacher, must find his purpose in the fight against the mysterious undead. Joined by the town Marshal, a man with his own set of demons, he faces the risen dead and the evils of the living on a journey to nowhere. This should have been a home run for me. I like zombie flicks and westerns, combine the two and it should be great. Instead it was boring. I will say the zombie deaths were pretty solid, probably the best effects of the group, but the movie was too slow and uneventful at times for me. A revenge western should always work and adding in zombies should make it that much better, but I honestly didn’t care about the characters.