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Bloodsucker Blues: A Vamps in Vegas Story (written by iwantmytwodollars.com Editor Mike Spring) is FREE through this Wednesday!
Here’s an excerpt:
Everything you know about vampires is wrong.
I mean, sure, we do drink blood. And yes, we have fangs, (Have you ever tried to pierce the skin on someone’s neck without them? Okay, probably not, but trust me, it’s next to impossible.) And, yes, a stake to the heart will kill us, but to quote a popular animated movie, “Who wouldn’t that kill?” Other than that, a good old-fashioned beheading will pretty much do it, but not much else.
Everything else you’ve learned from Hollywood and fiction about vampires? It’s generally… well, complete bullshit.
For example, sunlight? Listen, I don’t want to spend any more time in it than I have to, but mostly exposure to sunlight just feels like a bad rash. It doesn’t kill us. Some of us with higher pain thresholds have even taken up tanning. It’s a trend in vampire culture lately. We call it “sunfanging.”
And we sure as hell don’t sparkle.
Will I cringe if you wave a cross at me? Only if you follow it up with a sentence like, “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?” I have no particular truck with religion, it’s just not my thing. And I’ve never quite understood why people want to go to strangers’ houses and talk about god, anyway. That seems like a good way to spend a day getting doors slammed in your face.
So how do I know all this?
Simple. I’m a vampire. And my name… is Alex Blood.
Bwah ha ha ha ha! Oh my god, I’m just kidding! Could you imagine?! The vampire community would eat me alive (no pun intended) if I had the balls to call myself Alex Blood! That’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think? Holy shit, Alex Blood… please.